Connecting with Yourself 

You can not deeply connect with others without being connected to yourself. Knowing yourself and what you value is the foundation for all other relationships. It will help you determine what relationships you want to invest in and allow you to show up authentically. This will make the relationship richer for both parties. 

Slowing down can help you connect with yourself, but it can be tricky to know where to begin. Your body can help you notice feelings that may have been overlooked for too long, so start noticing what is going on in your body. Is there tightness in your body from stress? Do you feel a sense of lightness when you are peaceful or happy? Use these sensations to draw your attention to what you are feeling and start to put words to your emotions.

Recognize these feelings without judgment. Do not try to change them. Each one provides valuable information about things that matter to you. Intense emotions can indicate that something is important to you.

Here are some ways that may help you connect with your inner world...

• bundle up and go for a relaxing walk. 
• read a book and contemplate your reaction.
• take some time to journal.
• sit alone by the fire.
• go to a coffee shop alone (Kindred in West Chicago is my favorite)
• do a guided self-compassion meditation (with Kristen Neff). 
• practice box breathing (also known as Four Square breathing).
• use art as a tool for self-connection. (You don’t have to be an artist, even an adult coloring book can help with reflection.)
• experiment with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise.
• work with a therapist to get in touch with your internal world.

 

 

Connecting with Others

The American Association for the Advancement of Science published a study that found “a lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure.” On the other hand, positive connections improve your immune system and lead to a 50% increased chance of longevity. 

So, what is social connection and how do we cultivate it? Author and researcher Brene Brown defines connection “as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”  

The first step to developing this type of relationship is to find people that you would like a deeper relationship with. Look for people that you share common interests with and see regularly. If you don’t already have people like this in your life, try finding some through community groups (meetup groups, book clubs, local schools, spiritual communities, etc.) 

It takes time to establish deep friendships, but here are some ways to increase the likelihood of developing them with the people in your life… 

Make time for important people in your life

• connect around the dinner table a few times a week
• invite friends to go out for coffee 
• have a game night at your house
• hang out in the evening with the people in your home
• call a family member
• text an old friend

Do an activity together

• go for a walk
• enjoy a round of golf
• do some shopping
• head to the bowling ally
• challenge yourselves to a room escape

Encourage Depth 

• express your love in words
• use the power of friendly touch 
• make room for laughter
• be attentive to their needs
• ask them what they think and how they feel
• truly listen to get to know them without an agenda
• share the deeper parts of your heart with them

*Put your cell phone away when spending time with others in person. (Research has found that the mere presence of a cell phone interferes with connection.)

 

Connecting with Nature

According to Seppala, a recent study shows that “taking walks in nature can increase our well-being even in the case of depression, and another study showed that exposure to nature increases our value of connectedness and closeness.”  

Don’t skip this because you think there isn't time in your schedule; even a short time in nature will be beneficial. You may enjoy a/an…

• walk at a forest preserve. (Herrick Lake, St. James Farm, Blackwell, etc.)
• visit to Cantigny
• night stargazing
• outdoor sporting event
• bit of time to act like a kid (climb a tree, skip stones at the lake, etc.)
• day fishing, kayaking, or canoeing when the weather permits

 

Valentine’s Day is for more than just romantic love; other connections are just as important to celebrate. Investing in connections with people, nature, and yourself will increase your overall wellness and enjoyment of life.

Dr. Jamie 

P.S. For more great ways to improve your social connections check out the National Institute of Health’s Social Wellness Toolkit. 

 

*Photo credit: Becci Hethcoat Photography

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