For as long as I can remember, my oldest daughter (7) has been scared to go to bed. She tells me she is scared of the dark or scared to be alone even though she sleeps in the same bed with her 4-year-old sister.
Recently, I challenged my girls to try something new. I explained that if they keep telling themself the same story (I'm scared), of course their brain thinks that it's true.
I continued to share that the secret to feeling something different, is to change what you are telling yourself. Even if you don't believe it yet, when you start telling yourself something enough, your brain will start to believe it and your feelings will begin to change.
What about you? What stories are you telling yourself, and how is that affecting your life? Let’s take a look at it from a child’s point of view and see what we can learn from them.
Changing the Story
I worked with my girls and started practicing positive affirmations. It was a simple concept and very easy to do. I had the girls repeat after me:
- I am safe.
- I am strong.
- I am brave.
Each night when anyone told me they were scared, I reminded them about the affirmations.
Last night, when I gave Harper her good night hug, she whispered in my ear "I am safe, I am okay, I am not scared" and then happily and peacefully went to bed. It was a precious moment that made this mama’s heart glad.
How is this applicable to you?
Let’s take my girl's lead and see if we can change our story. What story do you currently tell yourself over and over again?
- Maybe it's about your looks (I'm fat. I'm ugly.)
- Maybe it's about your finances (I don't have enough money. I’ll always be struggling.)
- Maybe time is more of the issue (I'm so busy. There isn't enough time.)
- Maybe there is something you want to change in your life, but you are afraid of making the change (I hate my job. My relationship isn't working.)
- Maybe your body is hurting or there is a symptom you are struggling with. (I am broken. Things will never change.)
I really encourage you to spend some time thinking about this, and then FLIP YOUR SCRIPT. Maybe it's time to try one (or more) of the following stories.
- I have a pretty face. My body is strong. My smile is beautiful.
- I'm doing what I need to have a better life. There are good things in my future.
- I know how to schedule my day. I have good boundaries.
- I am a valuable employee. Any company would be lucky to have me.
- I am not stuck in this relationship. I have choices.
- My body is strong. I can do the things that will help me heal.
Even if you don't believe the words you are telling yourself when you start, the more you say them, the more your brain will begin to believe them and your reality will start to shift!
How to Embrace These Affirmations
While the concept is simple, the implementation takes some work. It will be natural to fall back into the old story, and you will have to consciously remember to embrace the new one. It will help if you set up reminders and actively engage in solidifying the new story.
- Put these affirmations on post-it notes around your house or workspace.
- Write them on your bathroom mirror.
- Put them as a background on your phone.
- Set timers that remind you of your new story throughout the day.
- Say these statements out loud.
- Ask loved ones to remind you of the new story, especially when you say something that would reinforce your old story.
Something Beautiful
The most beautiful thing about this technique is that not only can it change your life, but it can spread and change the lives of those you love.
This morning, I was driving my daughter to preschool. The 2-year-old noticed a bug on the window next to her and immediately began to panic. Without me saying a word, the 4-year-old jumped in and said Maddie repeat after me:
"I am brave"
"I am strong"
"I am okay"
Within seconds, she had calmed down and peace returned to the car!
You have nothing to lose, so give it a try. I'm excited to hear how this little technique (that seems silly) impacts you!
Dr. Jamie
*Blog Photo by Becci Hethcoat Photography