It’s resolution time, and many people have high expectations of themselves. Self-improvement is great, but are you able to be kind to yourself in the process? It’s time for a quick check before we get too far into the year.
Is your goal making you push yourself too hard? What are you telling yourself in the process? Do you have a balance between challenging yourself and accepting yourself where you are today?
Let’s look at how we treat ourselves during this time of New Year's resolutions and explore how being kind to yourself may help you achieve your goals.
Pushing Yourself
Many people have the habit of pushing themselves too much. They have high goals and want to achieve them quickly. To do so, they don’t give themselves the rest and recovery time needed.
Success is often dependent on long-term change. Accepting your limits will allow you to achieve your goals with more peace. This can help you persevere so you will have lasting success. And think about it, our goals are made to bring us more joy. What’s the point of letting them rob us of joy in the process?
Speaking to Yourself
We don’t tend to be very kind to ourselves with our words. Ask yourself honestly what you say to motivate yourself. Is it encouraging or harsh? What about when you disappoint yourself? Speaking to ourselves kindly makes a huge difference in our experience.
Positive feedback is more effective with children; why should it be any different for us? Researcher Ayelet Fishbach explains, “Several motivational theories attest that positive feedback is more effective for motivating goal pursuit than negative feedback because it increases outcome expectancy of the goal… (and) increases people’s confidence.”
Accepting Yourself
It can be tricky to find the balance between working towards change and accepting ourselves. Our identity tends to get caught up in whether we are achieving our goals. Self-acceptance provides a clear sense of one's abilities and achievements, while also accepting one's limitations.
Coming to our goals through the lens of self-acceptance is important for both our mental and physical health. Research has found a correlation between self-acceptance and mood. Another study found that self-acceptance decreased mortality risk by 19% and added three years of life, even when other factors were accounted for.
Aren't most resolutions designed to give you a more fulfilling and longer life? Of course, they are, otherwise, they wouldn’t be worth pursuing. Don’t wait to accept yourself until you meet a certain ideal. You are worth loving as you are without any exceptions. For more on self-acceptance, check out this article from Better Health.
Think about the people in your life who inspire you the most. Chances are they are kind and accept you for who you are. Most likely, they encourage you instead of tearing you down. So, let me ask you, are you that kind of friend to yourself?
Dr. Jamie